The jogger who overslept found himself running late.
Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
Everything in life is relative, ask Einstein.
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and suddenly I realized that I was talking to myself.
The more you study. Tthe more you know. The more you know. The more you forget. The more you forget. The less you know. So why study?
How do frogs die ? They Ker-mit suicide.
Nok nok.Who's there?....Marie!....Marie who?.....Mariewhowanna....!!
Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let her sleep.
If my right leg was thanksgiving and my left leg was christmas, would you visit me between the holidays?
no men no women no women no love no love no sex no sex no children no children no school no school no homework no homework no problems!
Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
If a pen is mightier than a sword and a photo more powerful than a thousand words, how dangerous –can a fax be ?
If all the boys lived on the other side of the sea, what a good swimmer I would be ?
What is the velocity of the darkness ?
What happens when you got scared twice half-dead ?
How women think about sex:At 8 ignore it,Age 18 experience it,Age 28 look 4 it,Age 38 ask 4 it,Age 48 beg 4 it,Age 58 pay 4 it,Age 68 pray it,Age 78 4get it
When a schizophrenic threatens to commit suicide are we talking of hostageship?
What kind of children do you get using a yellow condom ? ................... NONE ! you stupid !
when is a man worth some money??................When he pushes a trolley
How do you know when you run out of invisible ink ?
Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book? They all have a phone!
Why did the statue of liberty have to be a woman?The head had to be hollow to make a restaurant in it!
Why do fortune-tellers first ask your name?
What happens when the earth turn 30 times faster?...You get your salary every day and all women bleed dead!!!
When you strangle a smurf, what colour does he get ?
Why are men like sperm cells? ...... Only one out of a million is useful.
It has 50 teeth and it holds back or stops a terrible monster? ................... My fly!
Why are men happy when they finish a puzzle in two months time..... Because the box says : 3 till 5 years.
Why is a false eye made of glass?.....To look through.
How is an intelligent woman called? ....................... A transvestite.
When do you know you are overweight? .... When you are sunbathing on the beach and a Greenpeace-activist tries to roll you back into the sea.
Why does beer contain female hormones ? ... When you drink too much of it, you cannot say anything sensible any more, you start to nag and you are no longer able to drive a car.
Why do have so many men a beer gut? ..... Than at least an unemployed dwarf has a roof over his head.
What is the difference between a woman and a fridge? a fridge does not moan when there is meat inside.
Why are men like snails? ..... They have horns, they slobber and they trudge along, and above all, they think the house is theirs.
Why can a man not be handsome and intelligent at the same time? .... Because he would be a woman then.
The ressemblance of a man and a cup of coffee? ..... They both get on the nerve.
What happens when a man is in the water up till his navel ? ...... That is beyond his comprehension.
Why are men like a toothbrush? .... They are useless without handle.
why do have men bandy legs? ......... all unimportant matters are between brackets.
Why does a stupid blond girl never swim on her belly? ... When she feels something wet she turn on her back.
It is round and orange and says:"I am an orange, I am an orange"? .................. a mandarin who thinks big.
What is the difference between a battery and a woman? ...... A battery has also a positive side.
How does a dummy catch a rabbit? ... He sits behind a tree and imitates the sound of a carrot.
What is the difference between a washing machine and a teacher? a washing machine runs on batteries and a teacher gets on the nerves.
Why the trolleys were invented ? ........ To learn women to walk on their hind legs.
When a store is open 24 hours a day and 365 days a year, why is there a lock on the door ?
It is white and it stands in the corner? ....... A punished fridge.
Why does one do some peanut butter on his condom? ...... That makes him big and strong.
Why do men exist ? Because dildos cannot mow the lawn.
Do they have a coffee break at the tea factory ?
How does the driver of a gritting vehicle go to work in the morning ?
What do you prefer in the hereafter?...........Smoking or non-smoking area.
How do you call a woman who looses 90% of her intelligence ??.................................a widow !!!!!
When swinning is good for the development of our arms and legs, why do fish not have arms and legs ?
Where are the first 6 up's ?
Blackmail: "When you do not give me the raise I will tell everyone you did give me one."
Does a liar lies when he says he says he is telling a lie ?
When you are not supposed to drive a car when you have been drinking, why do bars have a parking lot ?
What is more easy for a man to make, a boy or a girl ? ...........a girl.....there is an example in front of him.
Why can you buy sigarettes in a gaz station where it is forbidden to smoke ?
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