General Jokes

Abracadabra
Nope, ur still ugly!




Ths msg cn only B read by a SEXY person:
Nothing? Sorry, I guess UR just not SEXY… Hey! Dnt force it ugly, get lost!




2 cows in a field. 1 cow says 'Hv U hrd about ths mad cow disease?'
T oTr thinks & replies 'Yep but it doesn't affect us rabbits.'




T Japanese hv banned all animal movements after discovering droppings in T Bdding in 2kyo.
Ty Blieve it could B a case of Fu2n Mouse.




Hw do U occupy an idiot?
Press down - Press up!




2 men R fishing. A funeral march goes by. T 1st man places his h@ on his chest. 2nd man says ''Th@'s nice.
1st man says 'It's T least I cn do. We wr married for 25 years.'




Y did T farmer win a noBl prize?
Bcoz he was out st&ing in his field!




Y did T jelly baby go 2 school?
Bcoz it wanted 2 B a smarty.




Wht do U cll a dog with no legs?
It doesn't m@ter wot U cll him, he ain't gonna cum.




For sale complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 74 volumes. Good condition. £1,000 ONO.
No longer needed, got married, T wife knows eVthing!

I went 2 by sum camouflage trousers T oTr day
But I cdnt find NE.




Y did T cnnibal rush over 2 T cafeteria?
He hrd children wr half price.




Y dnt lobsters shR?
Bcoz Ty're shellfish.




I'm an alien I've transformed in2 Ur ph1 & as U're reading ths I'm having sex with Ur finger.
I know U like it Bcoz I cn C U smiling!




T jogger who overslept found himself running...
l@e.



A girl ph1d me T oTr day & said 'Come no over, Tre's nobody home'.
I went over. Nobody was home.




Woman asks a barman 'Cn I hv a double entendre please?'
so T barman gave her 1.




2 aerials meet on a roof - fell in love & got married.
T ceremony was terrible, but T reception was brilliant!




I had a ploughman's lunch T oTr day.
He wasn't V happy.




Y dnt c@s shv?
Coz 80% prefer Whiskers!




Wht do U cll a vicar on a mo2r bike?
Rev.




Did U hear about T Dutch man with T infl@able shoes?
He popped his clogs!




Chelsea signed 2 players from Icel&.
Ranieri said 'If Ty R no good he wll try Sainsburys.




Hw do U communic@e with a fish?
Drop it a line.




Wht do elephants hv for dinner?
An hour, just like T rest of T animals.




Hw does Bob Marley like his s&wiches?
Wi jammin.